I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
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Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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