Well douche your snatch and let's go!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
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I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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