According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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