As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
