names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
