I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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