I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
