I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
