This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
