I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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