I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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