life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
