it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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