I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
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Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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