I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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