Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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