He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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