Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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