so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just sucked dick on a ferry
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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