dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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