he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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