In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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