I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
