Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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