Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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