Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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