i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
