His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
