I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
