my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
