god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
