We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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