Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
