'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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