he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
