I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Bring me that man meat
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
