so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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