I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I didn't notice because vodka
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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