Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just cropdusted the office
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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