tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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