I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
