I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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