Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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