Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
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it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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