no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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