Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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