Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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