i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
