Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
please don't ironically join a cult
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