She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
People with herpes should wear stickers.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Randomize
