Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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