Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
