Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
