she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
