Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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