we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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