So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
