Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
4 words: hood of his car
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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