in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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