im six kinds of drunk right now
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They took my balls.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
