Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
mondays should just be called national damage control day
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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