toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
