No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
