he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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