I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
