Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
