is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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