The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
