finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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