drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh god it's open bar.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
