apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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