I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
