just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
